2012 is turning out to be the year of letting go. In 2011, we began this shift of releasing what no longer serves us through conflict (think of all the protests going on). As we come into spring, we reflect on the seeds we’ve been planting in order to make the shift from thinking with our heads to feeling with our hearts. As I prepare themes for my yoga classes, I often draw upon an astrology email that I sign up for every week. This particular message was about solidifying what it is we need to release and to let it go with a compassionate heart.
Since my allergic reaction and extreme case of eczema (my body wanting to release toxins came out in my skin…big time!), I’ve been exploring what emotions I’ve been holding onto. I wrote in a previous blog about feeling the need to ‘shed my skin’ (hence the breakout). I’m still dealing with what’s going on internally in my body as I feel I’m not quite ‘out of the woods’ yet. I still have some deeply embedded emotions that need to be shifted. So, this feeling of wanting to be alone has been with still and I’m begining to realize that perhaps it’s just a coping mechanism to the emotions I’m still attached to. You see, I’ve been trouble by an energy that’s around me, that I know I don’t want to release, but it needs to change. Just the other day, before class, I sat with this heavy feeling of wanting to be alone and thought “What would I do if the person I love was no longer here?” As I thought this, I found myself imagining what my life would be like if that came true. A few days later, I was preparing a class theme, and read the astrology email I had received that week. This particular day, I read ahead and absorbed the message that stated: “If you don’t release what it is that needs to be released in the next few days, it will be released for you”…and my mind instantly went to that alone feeling. I brushed it off.
That evening, my husband went to work night shift. He usually calls me around 9pm-10pm (no later) because he knows I’m in bed by 10pm. I was asleep. The sound of a phone ringing woke me, so I picked up the receiver of my bedisde phone (which by the way, has the ringer turned off) and said “hello” knowing it was bad news. No one ever calls me past 11pm. I knew immediately that it was my husband’s employer. “hello, is this Mrs. C?” “Yes” I replied. “This is so-and-so from (my husbands place of work)…” My heart sank… “I’m calling to inform you that your husband was seriously injured at work. He’s being taken to xxxxx General Hospital. I was told to call you, I was not at the scene but I heard it was pretty serious.” All I could think about was that he was going to be maimed, or worse…gone. I took the information, got dressed and felt numb. I got the call. The call you never, ever want to get! As I drove to the hospital, quite stoic and non-emotional (gotta be strong for him), I thought about what it was I’d put out there in the Universe…and began to cry hysterically. “I’m sooo sorry!” I kept saying. “This is not what I wanted. I’m sorry I thougt those things. I’m sorry I put it out there…”
That morning, I themed my class around ‘being careful what you wish for’ especially now when the energies of the Universe are gearing up to help you shift from your old patterns, your head-thinking ways to more of a heart-feeling way. I meditated on what it really is that needs to be released, and I found my answer.
I recently published my online book: Living La Vita Yoga (TM) based on a 5 month program I had created to help people heal deeply embedded emotions. I decided it was time to share with you all how i began to heal my life. Re-visiting my journey back then has made me realize what it is I truly need to release. It’s not about wanting to be alone, or feeling trapped by someone’s energy. It’s not about anyone else’s STUFF but my own. I was and still am holding on to deeply embedded anger towards not having a childhood. So when the child like energy of my husband is consuming me and i feel agitated, trapped, and frustrated, I am now able to look at him with gratitude and love and compassion. He’s in my life to teach me about being a kid, reclaiming my inner child. His energy is very child like, and as you know, I chose to live this life childless. So, when he’s acting ‘like a kid’, I sometimes get angry at him. Angry because of my lost childhood. He’s showing me something very special, very innocent. Very loving. He’s teaching me how to let go of the emotions of anger, and fear by being a ‘child.’ How beautiful is that!
I spent the next day reading about emotions from a TCM and Ayurveda perspective and have come to realize that by letting go of the anger and fear I hold, I’ll be able to clear my skin (allergies). I have been working with Energy Medicine and balancing my liver meridian. I’ve been eating foods to cleanse my large and small intestine (remember it was the small intestine teeth that i had extracted). And I had the most profound dream: i was in a room full of random stuff, and was allowed to just go crazy smashing things…the dream was totally about anger release. It was awesome!
I am forever grateful that my husband is okay, he sufferd quite the laceration to his head and received 8 stitches.
I encourage you to contemplate what it is you really need to release. It takes a lot of honest contemplation because although you may have a relationship in your life that you feel needs to release, look deeper. Is that person there to teach you something about yourself? Sit in the energy, literally be one with it, let it course through your body and notice where you hold it. As the lesson needs to be learned, the more you ignore it, the louder it gets. What you resist persists: what you look at disappears.
Most of all, Be careful what you wish for.
Peace.
N










